We Are Back Bitch

Well we are back black and in bold font oh and rest assured...a new story is coming, its already started up to two pages but i had to put it on hold and write Ali's birthday story...ah well, its only a matter of time of course and this story will be entitled...The Break Up, No not that heaps shit movie with ben stiller or...whomever that guy is and that hot girl. But its not a serious story by any means so roll out the black carpet because hilarity is back home yay

Dirt Factory(Back in business)

Mukissa Live(2)

Mukissa:So paul i hear the arias are coming up this weekend
Paul:How exciting!
Mukissa:Im just suprised that they could find a time slot for it i mean they have to fit in between two repeated episodes of the simpsons and yasmin's getting married
Paul:Channel 10 qaulity programming all the time
Mukissa:Well channel 10 provides alot of qaulity programming to dosent it everyone
*crickets*
Mukissa:Well all this talk about channel 10 has been leading up to our long awaited interview with roy nunes long fan of channel 10
Roy:Hi everybody!
Mukissa:Hello roy is it true that you are homosexual and like to urinate on mailboxes
Roy:Yes no wait no what?
Mukissa:I thought as much
Roy:Yeah well your show is just racist bashing and you mocking other channels, You are just a parasite that feeds of hard working networks
Mukissa:Im sorry my network dosent prove qaulity shows such as the biggest loser and the "gayrias"congratulations to paul for that killer play on words
Paul:No problem
Mukissa:No wait lets not forget every weekend they have an adam sandler movie marathon! you know what news flash australia...HIS MOVIES ARENT THAT FUNNY
Roy:He is a legend
Mukissa:How so?
Roy:Well he's richer than you
Mukissa:Why are you getting so emotinal?
Paul:I think its because he wants adam sandler to love him long time
Roy:You see your constant homosexual remarks and racism
Mukissa:You know what i really dont care what you think you know why?
Roy:Why?
Mukissa:Because your gay and you should shutup
Roy:See you are so childish
Mukissa:Well this wraps today up no wait...we have had numerous letters given to us about what will happen in survivour so now i present you with Pyscic Paulos's Prediction!...its really paul in a turban
Paulos:I predict that...the black people will dominate but eventually mess with eachothers bitches(that means women) and then the white people will begin to introduce alcohoal and weed to them causing them to be intoxicated and fail then as white people are they will get lazy and decide to pull out their lawn chairs and just sit down, whilst the asians will be developing computers and selling illegal dvd's to maintain enough income to buy rice
Mukissa:Thats all for tonight folks...be sure to miss the aria's and watch the all new big brother....BIG BROTHER RAP-ALL STARS, but due to certain issues ther will only be three episodes of the show

Mukissa Live

Mukissa:And now for my favourite segment...what the!
Paul:No folks he's just kidding we have qaulity segments on this show
Mukissa:In other related news the pimple on kiearns forhead seems to be getting beigger
Paul:This brings it up to an outstanding 4.5cm mukissa
Mukissa:He's almost liable to compete with mzukisi in the worlds ugliest kid competition, Well anyway its time to go to my favourite part of the show..."IM COMING TO YOUR HOUSE AND EATING YOUR FOOD"
Paul:No we scratched that segment remember?
Mukissa:Oh yeah, so i guess its on to..."PAUL'S MOVIE REVIEW*
Paul:The movie i shall be reviewing is called "Paris hiltion home movie" now first of all...i mean half the movie was in night vision and well face it paris hiltion aint that hot in fact the most intresting thing would happen to be the size of the mans penis it makes you forget that paris hilton is even in the video, But what you want to all know about is the sex scene or as some as you gay people call it "love making"...it was a dissapointment paris was in the classic bent over positon acting like a dog of poor qaulity breed, but overall i would give it one and half poo's out of ten a poor movie indeed i insist viewers choose to watch "Diary of michael jackson" as an alternitive
Mukissa:Well that sure was an excellent movie review...but now its time for "SPIT ON THE AUIDENCE", The lucky contestant who collects the most saliva will win a free trip to the moon...or something like that
*1hour later*
Mukissa:Well im out of saliva so i guess it's time to put on one of our terrific new and upcoming comedians....ASHELY HOLDEN

Ashley:Nyaaaa DOnt ya hate it when ya taking a shit and the toilet seat brakes and your stuck in the toilet i mean your literally sitting in your own poo!, But what really makes me mad is when your in the shower and there is that one pubic hair you cant pluck out nyahahahaha!
Audience:*vomits*
Paul:Well you smell terrible ashley goodbye and goodluck
Mukissa:And now...for our special guest.....he came all the way from the set of karate kid four MY MYAGI!
Kristy:Im not mr myagi
Mukissa:Hahah dont worry folks he's just a little upset cause they didnt serve rice on the plane
Kristy:Im not mr myagi im not even a guy and im philllipino
Mukissa:MR MYAGI SIR SIR! CALM DOWN YOUR RICE WILL BE READY SOON!
Kristy:Your racist
Paul:RACIST! THATS OUR MAGIC WORD FOR TODAY!, you know what that means!
Mukissa:YOU GET TO SPONGE BATH KIEARN TONIGHT!
Kristy:...err no
Mukissa:Well we have run out of time folks but be sure to tune in at 1am this morning for an adults only version of the show...its basically the same except with porn

THE END---

Dirt Company.3

Mukissa:Listen lenox the reason i have called you here is because...well we are going to have to let you go
Lenox:What why?
Mukissa:Well we have an image to uphold and your just gay to put in nicely
Lenox:But im not gay
Mukissa:Yea right...so what was that whole thing about the holy spirit and going to church and god bless you cant tell me thats not gay?
Lenox:That isnt gay its religion
Mukissa:Its the same thing practically
Lenox:No its not
Mukissa:The time for arguing is over i gave you a three week notice
Lenox:But i have been only working here one week and i never saw this notice
Mukissa:Well i put it on your desk
Lenox:Your not talking about that cracker i found on my desk?
Mukissa:....maybe well i still gave you notice
Lenox:I found it on my desk this morning
Mukissa:I want you to pack up your stuff immidiently you have to go our security will help you out if you would like
Lenox:We dont have security we are a dirt company
Mukissa:Right just get out
Lenox:You dont have the right to fire me
Matthew:Eh whats goin on in my eh office
Mukissa:Oh umm nothing we where just looking up porn on your computer definetly not firing lenox
Matthew:Is this true lenox?
Lenox:Yes sir we where just looking at porn
Matthew:Ohk then...well clear the history and be back on your way to work
*in blakes cubicle*
Blake:Oh my god totally like you can see up her skirt
Ali:What a slut!
Alexia:You know guys im right next to you
Blake:Oh so you are....
Ali:We werent talking about you alexia
Blake:I was just writing a staff evaluation
Alexia:So where is it i wanna see it
Blake:Its right here*throws hair product in alexia's eyes"
Ali:Oh my god blake you just took it to far
Blake:Quick lets run why she is blinded
Ali:No she is my friend
Blake:Ali its me
Ali:Sorry master i will obey
Mukissa:Alexia if you are caught blinded in the office thats half demerit points and if one of your friends is caught laughing at you thats all your demerit points gone...this christmas half demerit points
Alexia:ARGHHHH MY EYES I CANT SEE PLEASE HELP
Roy:Mukissa man...its all about timing
Mukissa:Yeah i know i just didnt time it right
Alexia:*twitching on the ground*
Mukissa:You know im sure her being on the ground is a violation of the safety code or something ah well...
Roy:Yeah....
*in kristys cubicle*
Paul:Hey ping pong could you pass me those tax reports
Kristy:Did you just call me ping pong?
Paul:No...
Kristy:You did didnt you i am so sick of all these people making racist comments about me
Paul:Well you are asian
Kristy:WHAT IS WRONG WITH BEING ASIAN?
Mukissa:If you are asian thats all you demerit points gone...
Roy:To soon man
Mukissa:Dammit your right...
Kristy:You see im so sick of this i just want to file these tax reports and eat my rice with dog ear sauce in peace
Paul:..............
Chris:DID I JUST HEAR THE WORDS RICE AND DOG IN THE SAME SENTENCE
Paul:Yeah how asian is she
Chris:You are pretty asian
Kristy:Im going to the boss to complain about you two
*in matthews office*
Matthew:Yeah but mzukisi chris told me you where downloading gay porn
Mzukisi:HE IS LYING MAN
Matthew:I mean im all for porn its an excellent way to express ones self but...gay porn that just seems a bit gay
Mzukisi:WHY DONT YOU BELIVE ME?
Kristy:Excuse me sir i have a complaint that people keep making fun of me being asian and its harrasment and i want it to stop
Matthew:But you are asian
Kristy:Yeah but they keep making these claims about me like they think its funny cause i eat rice with dog ear sauce
Matthew:Dog eat sauce?
Kristy:ITS A DELICICY WHERE I COME FROM ALRIGHT!
Paul:*puffed out*I ran....as fa..st as i could sir because well i wanted to report that mzukisi has been making racial comments about kristy
Mzukisi:WHAT THE FU....NO WAAAAAY MAN!
Matthew:Mzukisi i switching you to dog poo duty
Mzukisi:But we dont have a dog
Matthew:Dont worry im bringing my five german sherpads to the office tomorow...and guess what i feed them curry food
Mzukisi:Why would you do that?
*near the water cooler*
Alexia:He...lp me
Ashley:NYAAA! i would lady but i gotta regulate the.....the...gawdammit i shouldnt have eaten the cracker
Alexia:All you have to do is get some water out and put it on my eyes
Ashley:Lady thats to many things to rememba! but i tell you what ima do ima go on ma lunch brake and eat some chicken an ima go to sleep thats what ima do
Alexia:....what?
Ashley:Nyaaa!*walks away*
Ali:Alexia i am so sorry about what blake did to you before
Alexia:Its ok i understand i mean you where talking about me so he threw hair product in my eyes
Ali:He is going through a rough time right now...i mean we where watching porno and we saw this thing with a cucumber and he thought ya know he would try it and well...
Alexia:Please please just give me some water
Ali:I cant...the temperature needs to be regulated
*in mukissa's office*
Mukissa:Lenox...im going to get you fired
Lenox:Mate you dont know what the fek your jabberin about...but god loves you n i love you but you gotta fekn change dese things dat chu doin man!!! ya hearin me?
Mukissa:...i didnt understand that but as chris as my witness i will fire you
Chris:Yeah he will!
Mukissa:Thanx for coming man
Chris:Yeah yeah just give me my can of tuna

Dirt Company.2

Matthew:Eh listen up everybody the reason i called you all here to the meeting room is that we need a new cutting edge name to keep up with the times i think Dirt.Co is getting a bit old dont you think?...so im giving the entire day to figure out a new name for the company if anybody needs me i will be in my office

Paul:So is everybody cool with dirt.co?
*everybody agrees*
Chris:So what are we going to do for the next six hours of the day?
Paul:Well err....WHOS UP FOR AIR CRICKET!
*in matthews office*
Matthew:Mzukisi take a seat
Mzukisi:Whats wrong?
Matthew:The photocopier is broken mzukisi thats whats wrong
Mzukisi:I dont understand
Matthew:My sources have told me that you mzukisi broke it
Mzukisi:Are your sources chris and paul?
Matthew:Listen it dosent matter who they are what matters is i have a photocopier that dosent work
Mzukisi:I didnt brake it im telling you man! chris thought it would be funny to pour coffee on the machine and paul said "you wont" and thats how it happend
Matthew:Listen mzukisi nobody likes eh snitch we are a friendship company here
Mzukisi:But they snitched on me
Matthew:Im docking you your next three weeks salary
Mzukisi:But how will i afford to feed my thirteen ghetto children
Matthew:Not my problem
*in blakes cubicle*
Blake:And like oh my god i was totally like you did not say that
Ali:Hehehehe i have some more secrets i wanna tell tou
Blake:Oh quick go back to your cubicle mukissa is coming
Ali:Dont worry i will email them to you
Blake:Ok
Mukissa:Well well well what do we have here ali sneaking away from blakes cubicle if you werent gay i would have assumed she was doing your tax reports for you if ya know what i mean*nudges blake*
Blake:You are really bad at making jokes you know
Mukissa:Yeah roy gave me a list of jokes to use on fellow employees he called it "office humor*
Blake:I think you need to have a chat with him
Mukissa:Maybe your right

*in kristys cubicle*
Chris:So watcha doing?
Kristy:Im trying to file the companys records and then i have to get started on the balance sheet
Chris:You are so asian
Kristy:What does that mean exactly? are you trying to say just because i do my job around here that makes me "asian" how exactly are you defining the word asian are you using it as a statement that someone works hard?
Chris:.....
Kristy:Well?
Chris:Dare me to pour coffee in the printer then blame it on mzukisi?
Kristy:Now your just trying to avoid the question and further more why would you do that to a friend who is just trying to do his job like me
Chris:Did you just say you WONT DO IT?
Kristy:You know perfectly well i did not say that
Chris:Ahh fuck it im going to do it anyway

*in matthews office*
Matthew:Ashley the reason i have called you in here is that we arent exactly sure what you do here
Ashley:Eah!
Matthew:Could you please tell me what you have been doing for the past three days
Ashley:*takes out a cracker*....ummm i am supposed to regulate the core temperature of the water cooler every hour
Matthew:Did you just read that of a cracker?
Ashley:No
Matthew:Yes you did
Ashley:Oh yeah but its an original cracker
Matthew:The flavour of the cracker dosent mean anything
Ashley:Yeah it does that salt n vinegar flavour is terrible
Matthew:Ah mukissa glad of you to join us
Mukissa:Yeah?
Matthew:Did you assign him a job on a cracker
Mukissa:Yes...No.....maybe
Matthew:To regulate the temperature of the water cooler?
Mukissa:Well err sir somebody had to do it
Matthew:No they didnt
Mukissa:Wait a minute sir its roy i have to urgently talk to him
*in the office hallway*
Roy:You look angry whats wrong?
Mukissa:Roy i looked over the "office jokes" you gave me and well most of them are just swapping the first three letters with the word gay and the other jokes are just from the simpsons
Roy:Im sorry...
Mukissa:Listen roy i dont want to have to fire you but ya know if your jokes dont get any better
Roy:Im sorry sir i will watch funnier shows
Mukissa:You should watch scrubs ahh that dr cox he is the funniest man alive i mean on this one episode
Roy:Oh crap alexia is behind you quick look busy
Mukissa:*Starts playing gameboy* oh dammit alexia you made me loose my concentration and i had almost made it to level fifteen
Alexia:Excuse me?
Chris:You are so asian
Kristy:STOP MAKING THAT JOKE!
*near the water cooler*
Alexia:So what do you do here?
Paul:Well i run the air cricket game
Alexia:But what do you really do?
Paul:I came up with the cool name for the company
Alexia:Isnt the name exactly the same?
Paul:No no...definatly not
Alexia:Right...cause i think it is
Mukissa:ALEXIA WHERE IS MY ICE TEA?
Alexia:You never asked for one
Mukissa:Maybe or maybe i asked for one and you never got it
Alexia:No im pretty sure you didnt ask for one
Mukissa:Well then...i want you to get me one
Alexia:Cant you get it yourself the vending machine is right behind you
Mukissa:Nah its to far
Alexia:But your leaning on...
*in matthews office*
Matthew:I have called you in here mzukisi because their have been reports of you pouring coffee in the printers
Mzukisi:This is such bullshit...

Dirt Company.1

Matthew:So you will be able to save my dirt company
Mukissa:Dont you worry sir if there is one thing i know its saving companys now first off we are going to need to do a screening test ya know find some new employees get a bit drunk the usual business pretty straighforward
Matthew:Get drunk eh wait...
Mukissa:You just go relax in your office sir and allow me to save your business after all i am your advisor
Matthew:Ok ok

*at the screening test*
Mukissa:Well your qaulifications are good but im sorry we cant hire you
Mzukisi:May i ask why?
Mukissa:To be straightforward...your just to ugly for this company
Mzukisi:Excuse me?
Mukissa:I mean this company has an image to uphold and well with that hideous facial disfigurment there is no possible way we could hire you
Mzukisi:I dont have a hideous facial whatever this is discrimination
Mukissa:Listen mate ill tell you what i can do i can forward over a reccomandation to the travelling circus you be the worlds ugliest man i hear it pays good...no wait no i didnt i heard it pays awfull ahh we;; good luck
Mzukisi:*walks outta the door*
Kristy:Hi
Mukissa:You must be kristy mamril...your qaulifications are too good
Kristy:Well thank you
Mukissa:But there seems to be a slight problem
Kristy:What is it?
Mukissa:Your asian
Kristy:I dont see how thats a problem
Mukissa:Well asians are smarter than normal people so well its kinda unfair
Kristy:Thats just a stereotype
Mukissa:Excuse me could you please refrain from talking in asian i cant understand
Kristy:This is rubbish your just making fun of me
Mukissa:*Presses intercom button*...send in the translator
Kristy:I dont need this*walks out of room*

*ten minutes later*
Roy:Sir sir sir sir sir
Mukissa:And thats about ten minutesssssss nnnnnow!
Roy:Why did you keep me waiting for ten minutes?
Mukissa:Because sonny boy working for a dirt company requires patience and well you just passed the test
Roy:So i have a job here?
Mukissa:Yep
Roy:Thank you sir
Mukissa:Woah woah woah...it was just a joke serouisly just get out
Roy:But but...
Mukissa:*glares at roy*...you know where the door is
Alexia:Hi
Mukissa:Lets cut the crap ok you want this job and i have the power to give it to you
Alexia:Err ok...
Mukissa:I dont like you and you dont like me
Alexia:I like you
Mukissa:Ok i dont like you and you like me
Alexia:Im sure if you gave it a chance you could learn to like me
Mukissa:Alright ...ummm errr what are you good at
Alexia:I can make a really cold ice tea...the extra ingredient is an extra ice cube....
Mukissa:Ice tea ehh more of a dr pepper fan myself
Alexia:Ewwww dr pepper
Mukissa:Im sorry but someone with an attitude such as yours cant work for us
Alexia:Your just not giving me the job because i hate dr pepper
Mukissa:No its much more in depth than that and SHUTUP!
*ten minutes later*
Mukissa:Oh crap another person i better act proffesional*puts pants back on*
Paul:Hey dont put your pants on just because im in here
Mukissa:Oh a smart ass we need people like that working here
Paul:Thats why i came here
Mukissa:So tell me what do you excell in
Paul:I excell in the study of chronobyothermac radiotology
Mukissa:Uh ha...yeah you just made that up didnt you?
Paul:NO...yes
Mukissa:Im dissapointed in you i thought more of you you looked so promising
Paul:Really i did?
Mukissa:No but im required by law to say it...
Paul:Oh alright see you then
Ashley:G'day
Mukissa:Well mr holden i have misplaced you resume so i am going to need you to tell me your prevouis jobs
Ashley:Aint got none
Mukissa:Oh ok then...what is it that you excell out?
Ashley:Nuffin!
Mukissa:Right right...and what makes you think you can work at a dirt company
Ashley:I dont its just ma mum is makin me get a job or else ima get kicked out
Mukissa:Ok ok...well what do you excell at?
Ashley:I can...well nuffin
Mukissa:O i see...what are your intrests?
Ashley:I like that movie you know die hard
Mukissa:Oh yeah i prefer the sequel better
Ashley:There aint no sequel
Mukissa:Yes there is
Ashley:No there aint!
Mukissa:Its no there isnt and yes their is
Ashley:Wha?
Mukissa:Just get out
*ten minutes later*
Mukissa:So he died on the cross for our sins you say?
Lenox:Yep
Mukissa:And what does that have to do with you wanting a job here?
Lenox:I can have a job that requires to keep moral up in the office i can spread gods loving voice to people
Mukissa:Ok look...we arent a gay dirt company so im going to have to ask you to leave
Blake:Oh hello hey hows everybody doing are you all doing super?
Mukissa:Ok look...im going to tell you like i told the other guy...
*one hour later*
Katherine:Sorry im late i had to devise a well thought out plan to get through the door i kept hitting my head on the door frame
Mukissa:So thats what that banging sound was i thought it was my car
Katherine:Your car is upstairs.....?
Mukissa:Listen we dont really have any more positions available so yeah i cant hire you
Chris:WOAH SORRY IM LATE ME MATE DAVO WAS AT THE PUB AND...
Ali:Im sorry to bother you but did you see an extremly gay person come in here
Mukissa:OK ALL OF YOU JUST SHUTUP and ill awnser all your questions......just wait..........ok its now my lunch brake see ya!

*in matts office*
Matthew:So did you eh hire eh new staff?
Mukissa:Yeah ummm well about that...
Matthew:Because im not eh paying you till you fund ah new staff ok?
Mukissa:Oh i found a new staff...yeah they will be in tomorow
Matthew:Your not just going to go back and call the people that you just rejected and give them the job are you?
Mukissa:No no no no no...im going to go back and ummm*jumps out window*